Dear Douglas and Robin
I have decided that enough is enough. I have decided that I am no longer going to be continuing along this path, it is not good for me. It is not good for me, and I will explain to you why.
Before I start, you are right about one thing-I lie to you. and lying is wrong, and I apologize. I lie to you about where I am because I don’t want you to know where I am, and it isn’t really your business to know. I am 24 years old. I have my own life, and I am no longer going to sit idly by as you yell and scream at me (and I react like a 6 year old about it). I am extricating myself.
You say you want to know who I am?
You don’t know who I am not because I lie to you, but because you don’t listen to who I actually am. You want me to be who you are, and that makes you comfortable, it is not about me being who I am. Who I am threatens you, and your ideas of things and who you want me to be. If I am who you want me to be, then to you it means that you have succeeded and saved me from my childhood. Living here is detrimental to me.
You think that knowing what happens to me day to day is any kind of judgement of my character? You think that controlling me and getting me to tell you the details of my day is bonding? To know who I am you would need to ask me about my THOUGHTS, my emotions, my interests. The closest I have ever felt to either one of you was a conversation I had with robin about graffiti. That was the only time I can remember we had a bonding experience, where real interest was involved.
Out of necessity and habit I’ve adopted this internalizing method of coping with an aggressive figure who scares me. time has passed and this method is no longer helpful to me. It served a purpose at one point, but not now. So I am moving on.
Our value systems are different, and that causes a great rift between us. The thought that we may never have a relationship is depressing to say the least, but it might be true. You two and I are two completely different kinds of people, and we cannot come to any form of agreement. There is an expectation of what a perfect daughter is that I will never be, that you continuously try and pin on me, and it is no longer going to work. No longer am I going to have to hide who i am from you, because I am going to leave. And I am going to figure myself out, without your help, for real this time. I’ve been feeling like I am crazy, and I walk out of the door and realize it is this house that makes me crazy.
The only reason I came home was so that Douglas would pay for school, and as much as I said to myself it will be good to get back into the house and work on the relationship, that’s not the case, because at the end of the day, originally, the choice was made that I could either go to grad school, or live on my own. I deserve to go to grad school, and you know that, but I would rather have my freedom and sanity than grad school. I will get this job on Monday, and I will take out a student loan when I have enough money saved, and I will go myself. Depending on you is not going to work any longer, and there is no excuse why it took this long, and it is time for me to grow up. And the saddest part is the fact that you know that I know that the only reason I am home is for money and the fact that you know it and use it against me is in my opinion, more pathetic than me lying to you about everything.
You’ve been yelling at me for years and the only thing that’s its done is make me retreat more. You want to know who I am? This is who I am-when I get yelled at, I retreat. I am not retreating now, I am going to improve myself, without you.
And also, if you compare me one more time to Justin, I’m going to scream. Don’t you dare tell me who you think I am, you don’t know anything about me! You tell me things where the only possible end is that I will feel bad about myself. There is no redeeming values in the statement- you are like your damaged brother.
I shouldn’t have to explain who I am to you, because it is up to me, and I’m still figuring that out, which is what I am supposed to be doing.
Maybe your gift to me is that you are forcing me to go and get what I want to get done, done on my own, because there is no reasoning with you unless its your way, and I am liberating myself from that paradigm.
i love you so so so so so very much, dont ever think i dont.
i have the utmost respect for both of you,
but i must go.
and i am sorry for not giving this to you in person, but i can’t risk getting talked out of this. this is one of the hardest decisions i have had to make in my life.
but i am proud of myself.
Megan





